Kisscafe

She whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."

She said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore."

It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size.

"Calm yourself" he whispered
"His face filled with a grin
"Try and open wider
So I can get it in."

"It's coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I'm having this."

And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.

She lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while."

Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!

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I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I carried you & threw the door.


Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and breasts. Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white skin.


From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the warm water that awaits.


The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets of water cover your taut skin.


My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads of water. Making them trickle down off your body.


I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what was well prepared to enter you before we even came through the door.


As soon as I lay you down your legs spread open wide. You are ready now and so am I.


I put a little in slowly at first, getting a feel for how much you can take in.


I put in more, you take it willingly. In anticipation, faster and faster I put it in, pushing it in deeply as far as I can, until I can't put any more in, you are so tight. With your legs wrapped tightly, not wanting to release any of it,


I make you so hot for a very long time, until your sweet juices escape from within. Then I taste you, with my tongue at first, your skin is so soft and tender.


I taste more of you with my mouth, you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.


Your juices coating my mouth, making me drool in anticipation of eating you more, with every taste.


"Oh yes", I say to you,


I must say Grace "Thank God for Butterball turkey.... Amen

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THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife.
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other-
That is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

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so I was looking through some profiles and i realised that there is a theme in pictures here and other sites.The men seem to like mirror shots and the women are always trying to look sexy.usually It's by trying to have some kind of dreamy look on their face which half the time makes them look constipated.The ones that like to show the boobs are my favorite do they think the bigger the breasts the more likely prince charming will be to message them??Maybe thats what I'm doing wrong do you think if I showed some skin my true love would find me???

Just curious

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IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU
GET 12 YEARS
HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE
DETAINED INDEFINITELY.


IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET
SHOT.



IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU
WILL BE JAILED.



IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY
NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.



IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE
BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.



IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN
INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET A JOB, A
DRIVERS LICENSE, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE, FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT
CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, FREE EDUCATION, FREE
HEALTH CARE, A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON AND IN MANY INSTANCES YOU CAN
VOTE.

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GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!

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I know not the significance
Or the meaning of my sadness...
There's a fairy-tail from times past
A lingering portion of my madness.

The air is cool as light recedes
And calmly flows the Rhine;
The peak of a nearby mountain glows
In the gloaming sun's shine.

Above a chaste woman sits
Radiant and quite unaware;
With golden jewelry flashing
She combs her golden hair.

She strokes it with a glittering comb,
As she toils a song's befalling.
A mysterious song, an enchanting air
With a melody enthralling.

Her lay is heard by the boatmen near
Who are seized with woe and pain
And tho' there are dangerous rocks nearby
To her visage and song they strain.

So, the boat is lost and the boatmen, too
Engulfed, I do imply
By the beautiful face and enticing strain,
The song of the Lorelei.

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what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......





what men would do if they had a vagina for a day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

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UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

People!! why????

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---

These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe"...

Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

Before unsafe sex, think to yourself what the kids will look like.

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.

Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"

Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.

You CAN get it from kissing... tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.

To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.

If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out before hand to hope for the best.

Before the use of condoms, unroll completely and check for any holes.

---

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Ok I'm going through one of those crappy feeling sorry woe ways me kind of time,I hate that feeling of self pity! If one more person say's cheer up how could you possibly be depressed or lonely or sad I will Drop Kick them!And yes I could!

Why do we always think that other people have better lives than us?I have a friend that I have always been jealous of even though she has no idea I feel this way.She is one of those pretty blonde petite things that knows how to flirt and play the helpless damsel so well.She has great boyfriend that worships the ground she walks on,they live in a beautiful house on a lake and yet she treats him like dirt!So why am I jealous of that?Why am I even talking about her?She has nothing to do with what I am feeling right now...Sigh...

Ok so I'm just having one of "those" day's this to shall pass right?

Yup I'm thinkin so too

(more)

UGH!!!!Actually I had more to say ..

ok so I was browsing the net and came across this site about top cliches for profile names and headings on dating sites

#1: "Good-hearted Man" ... lot's of variations. The problem is how to tell the difference between a "good-hearted" man and a "bad man" since a bad man would have no problem lying and claiming to be "good-hearted."

#2: "Liars Need Not Apply" ... same problem as #1 - how would you tell the difference

here's the one I seem to ALWAYS read

"live life to the fullest"

I mean seriously........would you BE on the dating site if that was so?
Well maybe yes, but it's still an over used phrase- I would rather hear:

"I try to have good time when possible, but everyday stuff like work and kids and family

Active/active lifestyle
A bit subjective, isn't it? Attilla the Hun had an "active lifestyle".

No couch potatoes, please.
Well, if someone's here in the first place...

Comfortable in your own skin.


No baggage.
This is really stupid. What if you want to take a vacation together?

Drama-free.
I perform in theater!

Ok so I copied some of my favourites for you all I hope they make you think and smile as much as I did ....

"My friends say that I'm (cute, sexy, sweet, etc.)"

Apparently everyone's friends say that.

If they said that you are ugly, a fat cow, etc., they wouldn't be your friends now would they?

live life to the fullest"
I hear that soooo much and it makes me gag! Dont think anyone would ever admite to gettting the least of life and doing nothing to change it. Doesnt this sound like what most woman(probably there EXs) decribe they dont want in a man....( but was what there EX was) And go on in the sam manner looking for the opposite but find tht too boring and go back to the same unfullfilling thing! CAN YOU TRUELY GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE AND TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND NOT EXPECT PERFECTION?

not into head games"

Oh just shut up....
LIke anyone is going to post:
"MUST F*** with my HEAD"...

How about "music is my life." (If you're not in a band, shut the hell up, you don't like music any more than the rest of us)

or

"I love hanging out." (Really, sherlock? Because I'm sure you're the ONLY person that does that!!)

I like to have fun." Not me. I would punch a clown.

"I like long walks in the park." Seriously? If there are so many long walkers, where are they?

"Not looking for a father/mother for my children." You're not? Then I'll pass. I'm all about the diaper duties.

"Looking for Mr. Right." Yeah, so is every other frickin' woman on the planet. He's in hiding because you're all psycho!

and it's sister: "Not looking for Mr. Right Now." What the hell does that even mean???

It amazes me how many women say they like long moonlit walks on the beach and campfires on the beach. There must be so many women on the beach that it's standing room only.

Think I'll start hauling and selling firewood on the beach. With the money I'll earn, I can probably take some girl on a cruise.

P.S. If you are going for a moonlight walk on the beach in the Maritimes, wear a parka!

I like when a profile states "I'd like to be with someone who takes care of themselves financially and physically"

Um.. ok... why don't you just say you want a hot rich guy? LOL

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